We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
