Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
