I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
