You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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