Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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