he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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