dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
