Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
