dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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