Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
