my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
