I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
