I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
