she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
