So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
