She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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