did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want