your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(