you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.