You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we made out on top of his cat.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
