it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
