Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
