Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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