what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
