I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
