It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
