Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
