my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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