Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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