and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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