also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
