guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
