My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
