we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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