Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
