I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
