im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
