Everything about him screamed your future.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
