Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
