So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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