The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
a search helicopter?!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
