when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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