I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize