I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
