I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
