16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Boobs are out for the taking
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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