She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
