I could make wine with my vomit
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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