When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
