Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
