My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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