Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
