I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
