He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
