I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Damn victory sex feels great
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
