Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize