I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
