oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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