I wish my penis had an off switch
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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