Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
