Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
