I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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