Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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