Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
