my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him āfuck meā eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
