just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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