Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
