Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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